His ways are higher than ours

So as many of you know, we've been through a LOT emotionally/spiritually over the past two months. First, we lost our baby (after two stressful weeks of OB visits, bloodwork, and scary unknowns), then a close friend of my family was killed in a car accident (at 16), and last Saturday my Gigi (Great Grandma) died.

I have done a LOT of praying over these last months, and have begged for relief from my pain. God is good and has given me temporary periods of joy (through photography and visits with family) to ease the emotional load I've been under.

The last loss of my Gigi brought back the pain of losing our baby full force because one of my life long dreams was to get a picture of Gigi holding a great great grandbaby, and that dream died with her. The last couple of days I have struggled anew with the intense desire to get pregnant again followed by tremendous fear of repeating our last experience. (This is where the really cool God stuff comes in.)

When we first lost our baby, God lead me to Isaiah 41:10 on three separate occasions through three different sources. The passage reads: "So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (emphasis is mine) I felt like He was promising to fulfill my dream to become a mom and telling me not to let my fears over losing another baby consume me.

When Gigi died and these fears began to resurface, He did two awesone things. First, my friend Tania (who is teaches at Grayson) sent me a package containing birthday cards from some of my former students that are now in her class. It was on a day that I REALLY needed a pick me up! I emailed several of them to say thank you, and one of my students emailed me back to encourage me and share a scripture that has helped her lately. You can already guess what scripture God laid on her heart. Isaiah 41:10!!! I got goosebumps when I read it... He still hasn't given up on me! He still wants to calm my fears! And He's willing to tell me the same thing four times (or probably more) if He has to so that I'll trust Him!

So while all this doesn't take away the pain, it does restore my hope for children and give me strength to face another day.

"I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me."

Ally